If you want to have a successful marriage, then I believe that you have to be intentional with every decision that you and your spouse agree upon. When it comes to doing the dishes, we intentionally decide to do them, even though it may not be "our day" to do them, or we have done it 3 times already this week. Marriages are intentional when it comes to simple decisions; such as what color you want to paint the living room wall, or what kind of color of pots and pans that you want for your kitchen. Everything that is done through a marriage is intentional, no matter how small or large the decision may be. However, decisions are hard to make, and can be stressful and can also cause contention in a marriage.
Turning on a different note for a minute, lets explore options other than decisions that can influence and put a strain on marriages. What are some other things that a married couple has to be cautious with? Well, lets say that a couple met at school, started dating and eventually got married. Let's imagine that they have been married for a few months or so, and they have gotten into a pretty secure and consistent routine. They both go to school, and the husband has a job that provides them with everything that they need in order to live comfortably. Well, what would happen if they were both home, but the husband was more distressed than normal? Concerned, his wife would ask him what was wrong, and hesitantly he says that he lost his job. Their normal routine and financial income is now warped completely; they now have no income, and stress has ensued in their little family.
How can this couple get through this first financial loop that they are struggling with, when they have never really struggled with money in the past? What if on top of this financial situation there was an additional problem? Let's imagine on top of financial stress, the wife's mother had just been involved in like a car accident and the situation doesn't look very good for her. So now, we have two stressed and worried persons in a committed marriage to each other. Is the stress going to pull them closer together, or are they going to let the problems cause contention between them?
Now, let us pause the situation for a moment. Can you admit that you are feeling stressed out just reading about this situation that the couple are in? Would that uneasy feeling increase if I told you that they were almost 9 month pregnant with their first child?
I want to pause here with the stressful situation and would like to compare it to a simple visual activity: Imagine the couple facing the other, and holding each other's hands. Imagine the financial stress, the stress of starting a family, the stress the wife has about her mother, and the stress of the husband about his heavily pregnant wife. All of these stressors are starting to pull the husband and wife away from each other. Now, the couple has two options here: they can either keep holding onto their significant other's hands and adjust their weight so they can pull each other closer to each other, or they can let go. If their hands come apart from the other person, then that results in a failed marriage.
Now, depending on your situation, I want you to ask yourself one of these two questions?
1. Am I holding onto my husband's/wife's hand tight enough so that we can keep our marriage going?
2. What can I do to make sure that I have a mindset that allows for me to hold onto my ftrure spouse's hand when times are rough?
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