Communication... Need I Say More?

Yes, I know that you all have heard that the key to a good, healthy relationship is to communicate with your significant other. Well, it is true. All 100% of it, and a little more. Communication is crucial to having a good relationship. It is even crucial to get into a relationship in the first place! How do you get into a relationship if you don't have a conversation with the other person about what they want? One person might have one idea about what they want, but the other may be on a completely different page! I think you get my point: communication is important.

However, did you know that there is a way to communicate that creates an almost close to perfect understanding AND room for improvement on each partner's character? I bet you didn't, but that's okay. I didn't know about it either. I think it is actually kind of interesting, so let me enlighten you on what it is!

There is a chart of 5 steps that can lead to communication that results with a stronger relationship in the end. This is what it looks like:

Empathy
1. Disarming Technique
2. Express Empathy
3. Inquiry

Assertiveness
4. when__(situation)__, I felt like__emotion)__,
    because__(thoughts)__, I would like__(hopes)__.

Respect
5. Being genuine, authentic, show admiration, appreciation, etc.

Let me dive into more of what I mean. For step one, this is called the disarming technique. What you do here, you make yourself vulnerable. I know that sounds horrible, and when you are arguing with someone, that is the last thing that you want to do. The last thing that you want to say is two words that everyone hates to say: you're right.

"You know what? You are right. I did forget to do the dishes when it was my night to do them. I guess I was just tired, or forgot to do them. I probably made you annoyed with me and probably made you think that I was lazy."

The second step is to express empathy. "I believe that you are feeling a couple of these emotions."

And for the third step inquire and ask questions; "Do I believe and understand that correctly?"

For the fourth step, this is where and how you set up your conversation if you were the person responding, or even starting the conversation. You tell of the situation, what you were feeling, why you were feeling that way, and what you would like to change.

For example, you can say; "I got upset when you didn't do the dishes last night. I felt that you didn't care about the state of our/my house and that you were lazy. I was feeling that way because I was tired and hungry. If at all possible, I would just like to have communication about what you are thinking and feeling about doing the dishes."

The last step, is to show appreciation, love, compliments, and any other positive feelings that you have towards that person. This allows for them to not feel like they are being chastised or that they are unappreciated. It would look like something like this: "Again, I am sorry that I reacted this way, but I want you to know that I love you. I love how hard you work and I didn't realize that you might have had a longer day than normal. I love your humor, and I want you to know that I absolutely adore you."

I promise that if you follow these steps and this process that you will be able to make your relationship less contentious, and more enjoyable.