The Importance of Good Relationships

What is an optimal family? In a easier phrasing, an optimal family is simply "successful function between family members". Let's be completely honest here though, there are so many different ideas of what "successful", "functioning", and even "families" mean. Successful could mean that everyone goes to bed happy at the end of the day. However, in another family, it could mean that everyone went to bed angry, but no one died in the process. So, why is it important that we have an optimal family situation, or at least strive to have one?

Having an optimal family system is crucial for not only the relationship of spouses, but also for the stress level of their children. In my Family Relations class, we were talking about the importance of the relationship between parents and the effects that it has on their children. The example we talked about was children with Asthma would come to the hospital with their parents, and the doctor who would be working with these children started to notice a pattern: Mom would usually sit right by the child, and if the father was present, he would sit detached from both of them. (Shown below)

M = Mom

C = Child

D = Dad

MC  D

This particular Doctor, (whose name I cannot recall), started to question what would happen if he separated the child from Mom, and instead placed Dad by Mom:

MD  C

The results were crazy! Not only did that small change help to make the Father feel involved, but it also helped the child to relax, and not be afraid, stressed, or tense. 

The relationships that parents have with each other, is very crucial on the child's development. If a child is stressed out early in their life, it can impact their social, mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical development, all the way up until they are an adult. For example; if a 10-year-old child is going through a stressful situation at home, (let's say divorce), their sleep pattern will change, they may become more rebellious, grades may drop, and they will start puberty sooner. 

Moving back to the hospital scenario, I am going to share a slightly similar example. My Professor, (who is an experienced family therapist), found the study done by the doctor, and decided to try it out for himself. He started to place parents siting side by side, and the children that were present went from a stiff posture and straight face, to being completely relaxed and having soft, relieved smiles. Absolutely amazing that parent's relationships affect their children so much. 

So going back to the question at the beginning, "how can we create an optimal family situation in our own family?"

The biggest one is communication, and this cannot be stressed enough. When spouses, parents, and even children communicate about everything with each other, (and I mean everything), there is little room for misunderstanding and hard, negative feelings towards another member. 

The second thing, is listening; this is also super crucial when it comes to optimal relationships. If you communicate about everything, it is difficult to resolve anything when you don't actually listen to the problem that is being discussed and you are still at square one with a still, unsolved problem. 

The last one that I would recommend, is to always find time to spend with your family. The more time that you spend with someone, the stronger that your relationship is going to be. (I know that I have really learned the importance of that, especially over the past couple of months.)

If you work your hardest to strive to develop communication, listening skills, and a pattern of spending time with another person, then I know for sure that your relationships will work out, get better, and become more meaningful.