Family Culture

Have you ever had an experience where you were interacting with a friend, colleague, or even a complete stranger and they told you something that threw you completely for a loop? What I mean by "loop" is a difference in something that someone does, and you discover that you do it completely different than they do? Are there certain family rules that only your family has? Is there an unspoken agreement that your family just, has? Even though it has never been discussed? That is because every family, over hundreds of years of traditions, beliefs, and compromises has kept unspoken rules, and also intentionally added rules to fit the needs of new families. You could almost call unspoken family rules an individualized family's culture. 

So, what exactly is culture? Culture can be "the cumulative deposit of knowledge, experience, beliefs, values, attitudes, meanings, hierarchies, religion, notions of time, roles, spatial relations, concepts of the universe, and material objects and possessions acquired by a group of people in the course of generations through individual and group striving." (Hofstede). Sorry for the long description, but you now get the idea that culture is comprised of many different components. 

The cool thing about culture though, is that it is like clay: it can be molded, squished, stretched, compressed, or even expanded. It doesn't have to be set in stone for generation after generation, and can always improve and change at a moment's notice. I am sure we have all heard the saying, "If you cook, then you don't clean" or from a mother's point of view, "I cooked, now you clean!" Now, we are all familiar with the role that women played in and throughout history: they would usually cook, clean, and care for the children. However, the rule that "I cooked, now you clean" had to come from somewhere. How did that change come to be? How can we change our family culture? 

Let's take the scenario above and look at how the families themselves can change after this new culture is established. The very first generation where this was changed, was more that likely, very odd; probably even almost uncomfortable to get used to. But, I am sure the mothers and daughters in following generations were more than happy to have their husbands, fathers, and brothers to either learn how to cook, or how to do the dishes. 

The families that have this rule, I believe, have learned how to be more selfless, hardworking, and aware of the responsibilities that everyone in the family has. They are more aware of each other member of their family, and they more than likely have a better, deeper, and more meaningful relationship. 

Now, lets think for a second: What if that wasn't a family rule, and the family still doesn't have that rule in their house? What if a son in the family is looking to get married, but he expects his future wife to do all of the cooking, cleaning, and eventually caring for their children? Chances are, that there isn't going to be a high chance for him to find a wife. However, if there is a new rule that they come up with, such as he will cook and clean the dishes on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. Then his wife could cook and clean the dishes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. That then would be a compromise, and they would have, believe it or not, a new family culture. 

The main point that I am trying to make, is that if you don't like some unspoken rule or culture that your family has, you have the power to change it. If you can't change it in for your immediate family, then strive to know what you want for when you have a family of your own. If you like the culture your family has right now, then great! But understand that family culture can always be changed. 

Cites: Hofstede, Unknown. “Culture.” Empiricism: Hume & Positivism, 2014, people.tamu.edu/~i-choudhury/culture.html.