There is Not Only "One Way to Date"

Back in the days, (I'm guessing about 20-30 years ago at a minimum), there was a specific way that the dating process panned out. This process would evolve over a period of about a year or so, (maybe more, maybe less), and would occur in these specific set of steps: 

Dating 
            Courting 
                            Engagement
                                                Marriage

Seems reasonable right? I agree. I think that it is good to date people, and to get a feel for what you want in your future spouse. I agree that dating should be fun, with many different activities where you can get to know the person that you are interested in. However, the dating process that you see above was "back in the days", and is not the same as the dating process today. Today's culture is very different, and the chart goes a little something like this:
   
Dating             
            Courting 
                            Engagement
                                                 Marriage

Obviously something is very different compared to the chart above. Courting is now considered "redundant" or "a waste of time". I can neither deny nor agree with that. I am not bothered by the fact that courting is not a thing anymore, and on the flip side I am not overly concerned about bringing it back. Why? Because I think, and firmly believe, that a relationship can survive without going through the step of "courting".

The dating trend that is occurring now, is where people will start dating someone exclusively while they barely know the person. Another increasing trend, (one that I would like to go more in depth with), is the fact that couple who are dating will "decide to get married", "pick a wedding date", and "schedule the temple/venue" before they get engaged.

Why do you think that these dating trends have changed?

I believe that they have changed because 1. not only are there more and more dangers out there in this world but 2., we have been given gifts here on this Earth help us to find those dangers. Let me elaborate.

For the dangers that I mentioned, there is an increasing problem of pornography all throughout the world. If a couple wants to get married, then they can talk through all of the problems and addictions that they as individuals have, and if they wish, they can get it all taken care of, (as much as the couple determines appropriate), before they get married.

The 2nd thing that I mentioned was gifts that we have here on Earth. I believe that we as humans are more cautious than we have ever been; (because of the reason above, I think we do have every reason to be cautious.) We are also seeing an increase in cases of anxiety throughout the world and I believe that is because we need to be very cautious when moving into the idea marriage. Anxiety for the most part is annoying, a pain in the butt, and can be seriously disabling. However, it can also be a strength for finding those who we choose to be with.

That raises another question that I have: do you think that it is wrong for a couple to decide to work towards marriage? Do you think that it is wrong when a couple ends up deciding on getting married and actually start to plan and schedule their wedding? Actually, here is a better question: Do you think that if a couple doesn't follow the steps of dating, then courting, then getting engaged, and then getting married exclusively in that order that they will end up getting a divorce? Hmm... I'll let you think on that for a minuet.

This may have seemed like a very loud and opinionated post, and you are right. I had a lot of hard and intense feelings while I was both sitting in class and writing this article. I had these feelings because I didn't agree with them. I don't agree with the fact that everything was pointing to failure when it comes to dating. There are so many exceptions, and there definitely isn't one "specific" way to date. I know a wide range of amazing people who have very successful marriages, and a pretty uncommon dating experience with their current spouse.

If you want to make your marriage work, then you will be able to make it work; regardless of your dating experience with that person.

Dancing is Related to... Marriage?

 Yes, you read that right. There are so many different ways that dancing is related to marriage. Just look at the general dynamics of how the dance is set up; The guy leads, supports, and balances with the woman while they are dancing. The woman's role is to follow, be in a position where the man can support her, and give balance back to the man.

When a guy leads the woman, he is taking her by the hand, (sometimes literally), and he is saying, "Alright, I am you protector. We are going to be doing this together, but I am leading this dance through life. You know the dance, it is your responsibility to know where to be, so be there for me so that you can help me out." And I really like that perspective.

When a woman follows, I don't mean that they sit back and be abused and mistreated because their husband is "in charge and what he says goes." No, that is not the case. However, according to The Family: A Proclamation to the World  the "fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

The key phrase that I would like to point out would have to be the last line of what I cited for this article: "fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners". When you are dancing with a cute guy or girl, and only one of you is putting forth the effort with leading, or following, or just not knowing the dance in general, then it is going to cause some difficulties down the road.

So how can someone work through those difficulties that are going to arise in the dance? Maybe there is a sudden change in tempo, and you are not sure how to dance to this new and "improved" song. Maybe neither partner is sure what to do when the DJ decides to throw a curve ball, (or unexpected trial), during our dance. Just think about that for a moment.

Another thing that the man is responsible for doing, is supporting. At the end of a dance, most girls really like it when the guy spins them around and dips them. It makes the women feel like they are in a fairy tale, and that they are special, important, and even cherished by the man they are dancing with. It makes them feel safe, and ultimately, that is what a girl is looking for. (So tip guys: if you really like a girl, randomly have a dance with her pretty much anywhere and do the spin and dip, and she will be very interested back as well. [Keep in mind however, that some girls don't like to dance.]) Women's roles for support, is to allow her man to help her. If she doesn't let him, then he can in no way support her and her needs.

And that leads me to my last point: balance. Balance is crucial for both of these roles in a dance. There are going to be times where a man won't be able to lead, and he won't be able to support, and his woman is going to have to step up to the plate so that they can get through whatever their circumstances may be. There needs to be a balance of support, and it is going to be important and crucial to their relationship that both man and woman know how to support each other in everything that they do.

Marriage is a dance through life. There may be times where neither of you know the steps, the song, or are even confusion about why the song is speeding up or slowing down. But if you have your man or woman by your side, then you will be able to laugh at the mistakes, enjoy the sloppy steps, and overall, relish in all of the effort that you have put into this now, perfect for your marriage, dance.

You Have the Choice

It was a normal day, around 3:30 in the afternoon, and Amelia was folding her her son's laundry, including his football jersey. As she was doing this, she was letting her mind wander, and that led her to start thinking about her son. "Star of the football team and he already has a promising career for being a college football player when he graduates." She sighs. "My Liam is such an amazing kid: smart, kind to others in his class, has good friends, and always works hard for what he wants. I could not have asked for a more perf-" 

 Amelia's thought process was interrupted when she heard the door of her house opening. Turning, she looked to see who was coming into her house, and was both stunned and confused when she saw her son, Liam, standing there. "Strange" she thought, "he is never home this early from school. He usually has practice until 5." 

"Hi Liam, you're home early. Was practice cancelled today?" She asked. Liam's rich voice replied in a disheartened monotone, "no". Amelia's stomach dropped: something wasn't right.  Now concerned for her son, she heard herself saying "What's the matter sweetheart?" 

"It's nothing Mom, don't worry about it," he said. "This doesn't sound like my Liam." She thought. "Liam, I know that there is something bothering you. What is it, so that I can know how to help you?" Liam hesitated. He was still standing by the door he just entered through, and was shifting from side to side - clearly uncomfortable, and clearly deciding if he wanted to do this or not. After a couple of seconds, he placed his backpack down on the ground, and walked over to the living room where she was seated. He sat on the same couch, but was farther away that Amelia would have liked. Regardless, he was still going to tell her. 

She patiently waited for him to gather up the courage to speak what was on his mind. After a couple of minuets with his head in his hands, Liam sat up straight and looked at her, and he said plain and simple, "I am gay."

Now, as to what happens for the rest of this story, I am going to leave that up to you to decide. We all have certain opinions, and there are many different ways that Amelia could respond to Liam, depending on her views about her child being gay, or even just gay oriented people. 

Now, notice how I am not saying "homosexual". I believe that being homosexual and being gay are two completely different things. I know what you are thinking, and yes, those terms are very similar when it comes to describing a person, but let's take it a little deeper. When you Google the term "gay" and are searching for a definition, you get exactly what I said it wasn't related to: "homosexual". However, it was once a way to describe a feeling, and a certain way a person acted. Eventually, this changed into a sexual orientation. 

There has been research done showing that if a man is told over and over again that he is gay, then he can't be anything other than gay. He won't ever be able to have a family, to be a father, or even to be a husband, all because all he knows is to be "gay". 

Newsflash for everyone: THIS IS NOT TRUE! 

If a man chooses to be attracted to men, that is 100% his choice. If a man wants to be attracted to women, that is 100% his choice. A man that is "gay" can have a very successful and happy marriage. A man that is "gay" can have children and become a father with a woman he loves. 

Stop telling people that when you have come to the conclusion that you are "gay" that this is the way that God has made you. No, you have a biological component that makes you attracted to other males, but you do not have to act upon them. If you want to be attracted to women, choose to be. If you want to be attracted to men, choose to be. 

What people say does not define who you are. You have the choice, and you are the only one who can make it.